Sometimes the thing you’re overthinking isn’t the real problem
One of the most interesting parts of working through something properly is this the thing people bring is often not the thing we end up talking about.
Or at least… not in the way they expected.
It might start as:
Should I stay in this role or leave?
Or:
How do I approach this conversation?
Or:
Why can’t I make a decision about this?
All very reasonable questions and often, they do need answering. But once you start pulling at the thread a little, something else tends to show up.
It’s not really about whether to leave, It’s about feeling undervalued.
It’s not really about the difficult conversation, It’s about avoiding disappointment.
It’s not really about the decision. It’s about the pressure to get it exactly right.
That’s usually the moment things start to shift because it’s very hard to solve the right problem when you’re focused on the wrong one.
And to be fair, it makes sense when something feels uncomfortable, our brains tend to grab onto the most obvious part.
The practical question, the immediate decision and the thing that feels easiest to name.
It’s much easier to ask:
Should I quit my job?
Than to ask:
Why have I been doubting myself for six months?
It’s much easier to say:
I just need to decide.
Than to say:
I’m scared of what this decision might say about me.
That deeper layer is often the part quietly driving everything, the overthinking, the circling, the inability to land.
And until that gets named, the surface-level problem can feel impossible to resolve.
You can keep trying to answer the practical question, but if the real issue is sitting underneath it, you’ll probably keep getting stuck.
That’s why sometimes the most helpful thing isn’t finding the answer straight away.
It’s slowing down long enough to ask:
What am I actually trying to solve here?
Not what feels urgent and not what feels easiest to focus on.
The real thing, because once that becomes clear, everything else tends to get a little lighter.
Not necessarily easier, but clearer.
And often, that’s enough to finally move.